


Millinary Adventures

by KtwoNtwo



Series: The Emperor's Edge Collection [2]
Category: The Emperor's Edge Series - Lindsay Buroker
Genre: Cross-posted from EE Forum, Hats, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-14
Updated: 2014-01-16
Packaged: 2018-01-08 15:51:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1134545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KtwoNtwo/pseuds/KtwoNtwo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the destruction of a hat ends up having a variety of personal consequences for Maldynado.</p>
<p>Previously published as three short stories on the Emperor's Edge Forum.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Improvisational Millinery Endeavors

Maldynado looked at the half-burned lump of fabric that had been his latest headgear. No doubt about it working for Amaranthe was hard on his hats. One expected wear and tear on clothing. In fact, it was made for that very purpose. A good hat, on the other hand, should last a lifetime. Even if fashion shifted radically it always cycled round again and the out of fashion hat would be back in fashion eventually. You just had to wait. This hat, however, hadn’t made it two weeks. Maldynado sighed.

Akstyr looked up from his book. Amaranth had located another forbidden tome on the mental sciences just the other day. If history was any predictor Akstyr would be deeply engrossed in it for at least a week. He’d only surface for something major or to pester Books for some translation or another. Maldynado didn’t think his sigh had been that loud or mournful to district Akstyr from his studies. Apparently it had because Akstyr was not only looking at him but also took the time to comment, “It’s only a hat.” before putting his nose back into the book.

Maldynado sighed again and pondered the wisdom of enlightening Akstyr on the necessity of making a proper fashion statement but decided against it. Akstyr’s idea of a fashion statement was a new tattoo or a slightly less disreputable set of clothing. Not exactly haute couture, Maldynado mused. On the other hand, it did allow Akstyr to fit in in some of the more disreputable parts of town that the team needed to frequent upon occasion. It also had more variation than the black on black with weapon accessories look that Sicarius favored. And then there was Amaranth. Getting her to wear something impractical or, emperor forbid, good looking was like pulling teeth. The last time he’d managed to do that was when he’d found a nice outfit so she could go talk to Mancrest in the Imperial Gardens. Much good that had done. He’d found out later from Mancrest that Sicarius had absconded with her for some sort of a chat and she’d only come back for a few minutes before running off again.

He shook his head. All this musing on clothing styles and choices wasn’t getting anything done about his hat problem. To make matters worse, he was supposed to relieve Yara on watch in a little more than an hour. No time to run out and purchase something appropriate. He sighed again, tossed the burned fabric into a box that they’d been using for rubbish collection and looked around the room. Akstyr was still reading. Books was out on a research errand with Amaranthe. Sicarius was nowhere to be seen which didn’t necessarily mean he was not around, just that he didn’t want to be seen at the moment. Basilard was sitting on a chair stropping a knife on a piece of leather. Hmmm, a piece of leather, that sparked an idea.

“Hey Bass, where did you get the leather?” Maldynado asked. 

Basilard put down the knife and signed one handed, “Trunk.” He then put down the leather and added using both hands “Storage closet, downstairs.”

“Thanks” Maldynado said as he walked out of the room heading for the stairs and the storage closet to see what he could find. 

***

A little more than an hour later Maldynado climbed the ladder to the roof to relieve Yara on watch. It was amazing what a little ingenuity, some cloth, and a swing kit could do. He was rather pleased with the results which were perched on the top of his head. All it needed was a feather or two and the result would be ready for its initial public showing. In the mean-time he thought that Yara might be impressed by his creation. Ladies tended to like a guy who was versatile and creative. He found Yara making a circuit of the roof, repeating crossbow in hand.

She came to a dead stop when she saw him. Her eyes immediately tracked to the top of his head and widened. She noticed. So far so good, he thought. She continued to stare at him, a slight look of confusion on her face. Uh oh…maybe not so good, was his next thought.

“Is that a pair of underwear on your head?” Yara asked in a tone of voice usually reserved for children or idiots.

“What? No, it’s my new hat.” Maldynado replied somewhat defensively.

“It looks like it was originally a pair of fuchsia bloomers.” She commented, handing him the crossbow as she passed him on the way to the ladder.

“Humph” Maldynado snorted. “How anyone could confuse this fine piece of millinery with bloomers is beyond me. Your innate feminine fashion sense has obviously been dulled by all the exposure to enforcer uniforms.” He gave her a sideways look. She was shaking ever so slightly as she started to descend the ladder. The trap door banged as it closed behind her but he could barely hear something that sounded suspiciously like laughter. Well, Maldynado thought to himself, I must be making progress. At least she didn’t laugh in my face.


	2. Millinary Intelligence

Sicarius, hung upside down off the side of the building his legs entangled in a rope as he assessed the situation. Another set of 20 crunches ought to be sufficient. Straight up or oblique this time? A quick mental review of his late afternoon training session so far dictated the answer. Obliques. He started raising his head and torso toward his knees twisting as he went so that one shoulder was closer to his legs. Then down. Control the speed. Don’t let gravity do the work. Take twice as long to return to the starting point as it took on the contraction. Alternate side. 12 crunches in his muscles were feeling the strain. At 18 they were starting to scream at him. When he got to 20 his abdominal muscles were trembling and starting to fatigue out. So, of course, he did 5 more for good measure.

Pausing a moment and stretching out the muscles before continuing, he was a little surprised to clearly hear Yara’s voice coming from the roof. He hadn’t realized that the small chimney like space between their hideout and the next building that he was currently using as a training venue conducted sound from the roof quite so well. He glanced down briefly. The dead end alley below did not contain anyone. Not that it was likely anyone would slip in between two abandoned buildings into a dead end to overhear, but he should admonish the group to use lower tones when changing watch.

“Is that a pair of underwear on your head?” she asked in a disbelieving tone of voice.

Presumably it was Maldynado. He had the early evening watch today and he was also the only member of the team with a propensity to wear things on his head.

“What? No, it’s my new hat.” Maldynado replied somewhat defensively.

Hat? When had Maldynado had time to obtain a hat? Did he go out? Doubtful. Sicarius would have observed him leaving while making a circuit of the adjoining rooftops earlier.

“It looks like it was originally a pair of fuchsia bloomers!” Yara stated.

Ah, that explained it. This abandoned building had housed a woman’s clothing manufacturing concern. They had found a few partial garments, some fabric and a variety of notions scattered about the place. The former owners had apparently left in somewhat of a hurry and hadn’t bothered to go through the place carefully before they left. Amaranthe had designated a storeroom on the second floor as the place to put anything found that might conceivably be useful. It was clear; Maldynado had been raiding the storeroom.

Maldynado snorted loudly and proclaimed “How anyone could confuse this fine piece of millinery with bloomers is beyond me. Your innate feminine fashion sense has obviously been dulled by all the exposure to enforcer uniforms!”

Yara didn’t deign to reply to that comment and Sicarius heard the trap door bang closed. He was going to have to have words with Yara about the proper way to close that trap door, but not right now. Now he had to finish his afternoon training session.

***

An hour or so later, after his run, Sicarius slipped into a second floor window of the hideout. Regardless of the location he always tried to vary his way into and out of any building that he occupied for any period of time. The more ways he knew to get into, or out of, the building the better chance he had of detecting if they’d been compromised and if so of extracting the team. Team. No, to be honest it was Amaranthe that he wanted to keep from harm. But Amaranthe wouldn’t leave without the rest if it was at all possible. So, to avoid an argument at an inopportune time, he had to determine a variety of escape routes that would accommodate the entire group.

Quietly he ascended the staircase to the third floor. He paused at the landing and listened trying to determine where everyone was. Basilard was obvious; he was snoring softly in one of the designated sleeping rooms. There was a faint scraping sound from the open door down the hall. Judging by the rhythm someone, probably Yara, was sharpening a knife. Also from the open doorway he could hear Books and Akstyr talking softly. The exasperated tone in Books’ voice told him that Akstyr had just asked him for a third or fourth potential alternate translation of something from the new mental sciences book that Amaranthe had found for him. He suspected that Akstyr sometimes asked for alternate possible translations on purpose, just to annoy Books. While writings on the mental sciences were in general somewhat oblique, if you had a good enough theoretical foundation you could usually figure them out. Even he, without the innate talent to actively practice the sciences, had learned a few tricks. Akstyr may be young and a street thug but he had talent to burn and somewhere, somehow he had obtained a good enough basis so that he was actually learning things from the books. Hmm. If Books was back from his afternoon at the library then Amaranthe should be here also.

“It might be helpful for your translation discussions,” Amaranthe’s voice sounded clearly down the hall, “if you lit the lamp. It’s easier to read that way.”

Books’ startled “Oh” and Akstyr’s “Nuts” let him know that neither of the two had even realized that dusk was creeping up on them.

Having located everyone he started to move again, drawn to the sound of Amaranthe’s voice, when Akstyr suddenly exclaimed “That sucks donkey’s balls!” The in a slightly quieter tone “Hey Amaranthe, do we have any more lamp oil?”

Amanranthe replied “No, the last of it is in the lamps. I put what was left into them when we got back from the library. If we are low we’ll need to go purchase some. Do we need to go out and get anything else?”

Books commented “How about a change in comestibles? If someone goes out to get oil they can also pick up dinner. Not that I mind Basilard’s cooking but it’s good to have variety upon occasion.”

“I suppose I could take a bit of Maldynado’s watch and send him out shopping.” Amaranthe said.

The faint scraping sound stopped and Yara started laughing softly. He’d been correct in his assessment. Yara had been the one sharpening a knife. “Not if you want him to be inconspicuous you don’t,” she said.

“Why?” asked Amaranthe.

“Have you seen the latest monstrosity he’s currently calling a hat?” Yara asked between snickers. “It’s purple and looks like a pair of old fashioned silk underwear!”

“Really?” Akstyr interjected, “He wouldn’t get within 10 feet of something that would make him look like an ass.”

Books chimed in “The man thinks with his libido. I dare say he’d wear anything that he thought might help him slake his prurient interests.”

“Wha?” blurted Akstyr.

“He’d wear anything that he thought would help him get laid,” translated Yara.

“Oh,” said Akstyr in a voice of comprehension. Then he added “Nah, I don’t think so. Mal has some pride. He’s the one who is always trying to look good for his statue.”

“You want to bet?” rejoined Yara. “I think, I can get him to wear something utterly atrocious at least for a little while.”

“You are on” said Akstyr “5 ranmya’s?”

“Done” affirmed Yara.

Sicarius could imagine the look on Amaranth’s face. In fact, he was surprised that she wasn’t objecting and putting a stop to the bet. Hmh. Maybe this was part of encouraging the team bonding thing that she would burble about occasionally. He didn’t understand it. But then again, he didn’t need to. That was Amaranthe’s job. His job was keeping her alive, despite her crazy plans.

As if to answer his thought Amaranthe said “I don’t want to know anything more about this!” and promptly walked out of the room into the hall. As she did so he faded into a doorway, not so much to avoid her but to see if she was alert enough to notice. She intentionally clomped down the hall, headed for the stairwell, and he suspected the cleaning supplies. As she passed his position she softly said “eavesdropping again?”

“Intelligence gathering.” he replied moving into step beside her.

***

It was late evening when Sicarius maneuvered into position to observe Maldynado on watch. Maldynado, when he bothered to concentrate, was a bit more observant than the others. In fact, when he put his mind to it Maldynado was as good, if not better, at spotting potential infiltrators than most of the elite guards who protected the Emperor. Tonight, for example, Sicarius had needed to time his movements carefully to avoid being seen or heard. It was good practice. Being out of practice, for him at least, increased the chances of his intercepting a crossbow bolt or a musket ball exponentially thus anything that allowed him to exercise his skills to the utmost was a welcome training opportunity.

From the bit of reflected light coming up through the glass Sicarius could see a lump of fabric that appeared to be a purplish/pink color lying on the edge of the skylight. That must be the hat Yara mentioned. He also noticed that every so often Maldynado reached up and touched something on his head. Another hat? He worked his way closer. More practice. Maldynado was wearing some sort of hunter’s knit cap. As he watched, Maldynado changed his route on the roof again and moved toward the skylight. Suddenly Maldynado was briefly framed in the reflected light from inside the building. Sicarius caught a glimpse of the bright pink and orange hat on Maldynado’s head.

Sicarius remained motionless, thinking. He wouldn’t surprise Maldynado as he had been planning. In fact, he wouldn’t even comment on the error of being caught in the light from the skylight. No, what was awaiting Maldynado at the end of his watch would be a far better lesson courtesy of former Sargent Yara.


	3. Millinery Counter Offensive

Maldynado took another walk around the rooftop with the repeating crossbow loose in his hand. He was careful to not let himself be seen on street below. It was one of Sicarius’ many rules for watch standing which, if he caught you violating one, inevitably earned an extra sparring session. Not that Maldynado was against physical exercise. He just preferred it in a more dignified manner, such as fencing, that showed off his manly attributes to perfection. The rough and tumble, in-close street fighting style preferred by Basilard and Akstyr had too much potential for facial injury. The stealthy ambush style Sicarius employed was so quick that it didn’t give much time for an onlooker to appreciate the artistry, or the muscles, involved. However, now that he thought about it, there was something to be said for all the training Amaranthe insisted upon no matter how unorthodox. He was in better shape than he’d ever been in his life and given his former profession of “good looking companion” that was saying something. Now why couldn’t he seem get Yara to properly appreciate him?

He thought back over his interactions with Sargent Yara. Her default reaction to him seemed to be no touching unless she was either distracted or trying to pummel him. He looked over at his improvised hat which was currently sitting on a corner of the rooftop skylight. That had districted her. It had even made her laugh. She had a rather nice laugh, what he had heard of it through the trap door. That made him think of what else was rather nice about Evrial Yara. She was tall enough and fit enough to keep up with him. She had certainly proved that in the sparring match on the airship. She also had a mean right hook that would seriously hurt if he ever let it connect. While she was not the classical beauty that he normally was attracted to, there was something in the angular nature of her cheek bones and the look in those brown eyes that made her very interesting. I wonder what she’d look like if she let her hair grow out from that close cropped hair style, he thought. Imagining Yara with shoulder length hair naturally lead Maldynado to consider what she’d look like in a dress. Something long and flowing. Business woman’s attire, like enforcer uniforms, was too severe a look for her. Possibly wine red in color. Gold accessories. Not too much exposed skin. Just enough to hint at the tantalizing toned body beneath the dress. Ummm.

The bang of the trap door opening interrupted his reverie. Maldynado realized with a start that he’d been standing in the same spot, staring off into the dusk, for several minutes. Realizing that it couldn’t be Sicarius, he’d never bang the trap door, Maldynado breathed a sigh of relief and looked over to see Akstyr’s head poke through the hole. 

“Bored with your new book?” Maldynado asked as Akstyr finished climbing onto the roof.

“Nah” Akstyr replied, “Had to stop a little while ago ‘cause the light got bad and there wasn’t enough lamp oil left.” He handed Maldynado a bag.

“What’s this?” asked Maldynado as he accepted the bag.

“Dinner.” Akstyr replied. “Yara went out and got some meat pies from a local bakery for all of us. She also said she got something special for you in there,” Akstyr continued with a smirk.

Maldynado looked down at the bag, unsure whether he wanted to open the bag with Akstyr watching. Luckily, Akstyr had turned around and was heading back to the trap door. “She also brought back lamp oil” he remarked as he started down the ladder. “She’s almost as good at getting deals when shopping as you are,” was his parting comment as he closed the door with another bang.

She bought me something special? Well, maybe she’s not quite so indifferent as she pretends to be, he thought. Carefully, Maldynado opened the bag. He reached in and pulled out what could only be a well wrapped meat pastry from the size and warmth radiating from it. Under the pastry was something fuzzy and slightly bulky. Curious, he pulled the item out of the bag. Looking at it in the dim light it seemed to be some sort of hat. Putting the wrapped pastry down, he examined it closer. Yes, it was a knit hat. The type some fishermen and hunters wore. It was a beanie like affair that pulled down and stretched over the head. This one apparently had some sort of fur all around the bottom and ear flaps. It obviously could be worn with the ear flaps down and the fur inside or rolled up so there was a ring of fur facing outward making a fashion statement. There was even a matching bit of fur at the very crown of hat which presumably matched the fur at the bottom. On a whim he put it on. It fit. It will give me absolutely awful “hat hair”, he thought, but since she took the trouble to get it the least I can do is wear it for a bit. It will show her I appreciate her effort and make a good impression. He then turned his attention to the pastry which proved to be quite good.

*****

Several hours later Maldynado was pleased with himself when he spotted Sicarius climbing over the edge of the far side of the roof. Sicarius had recently taken to relieving watches by suddenly appearing from unexpected directions as part of training and to keep people alert on watch. In fact, Maldynado had fully expected him to sneak up and surprise him sometime earlier in the watch. That was also part of the Sicarius’ normal training regime. Tonight Sicarius didn’t appear to be in training mode as he merely nodded at Maldynado and held out his hand for the crossbow. Maldynado passed it over and walked to the trap door. Neither of them said a word. Interesting, he thought. He usually doesn’t miss an opportunity to critique my alertness, or lack thereof. I wonder what’s up?

Still pondering Sicarius’ odd behavior Maldynado climbed down into the hall. He then made his way to the room they were using as a common area. Amaranthe, as usual, was tidying the room. Her hands were full of odds and ends that apparently belonged somewhere other than where she had found them. Akstyr was sitting next to the lamp, his nose still in his magic book. Basilard and Books were nowhere to be seen, however, judging from the thump and the obscure expletive that echoed down the hall, Bassilard was still attempting to teach Books how to throw knives properly. Yara was sitting at the table fletching crossbow bolts judging by the pile of bolts, feathers, string and glue pot beside her.

“Hello all, I’m back from the roof,” Maldynado said cheerfully. “Anyone miss me?”

Amaranthe glanced at him, then stopped and stared. Akstyr looked up from his book annoyed at the interruption. He too stared then made a sound somewhat like a strangled cough. Yara didn’t even bother to look up from what she was doing.

Ancestors warts, Maldynado thought. What’s going…Oh. He suddenly remembered. He was still wearing the hat Yara had given him. He had a sinking feeling as he reached up and attempted to nonchalantly pull the hat off his head. He could tell as he did so that his hair was going to be a right mess. Maybe, he thought distractedly, Yara would like the slightly mussed style rather than his normal debonair look. Then he looked down at the hat in his hand.

Damn. He had to struggle to keep the dismay off his face. It was, as he had observed on the roof, a perfectly serviceable knit fisherman’s hat with fur trim and ear flaps. The problem was that the knit portion was bright pink and the fur was a bilious shade of orange. Maldynado had never seen such a hideous color combination in his entire life. Not even his Great Aunt Gertrude, who was color blind and had the most awful taste in fashion, had ever worn anything so horrid. He imagined what he had looked like wearing it and inwardly cringed.

Quick, how could he salvage this fashion faux pas? He had to come up with something before Amaranthe completely lost composure and brought Books and Basilard running with her laughter. He drew himself up to his full height and loudly proclaimed, “It takes a real fashion artist to pull off something this outrageous. Once I find the proper outfit this,” he waived the offending hat around, “it will be all the rage in Stumps. Just you wait and see.” Maldynado then turned on his heel and made what he hoped was a dignified exit from the room. Before the door completely shut behind him he heard Amaranthe start to giggle. He also heard Yara’s amused voice say “I won Akstyr, pay up!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this writer has offended,  
> Think but this and all is mended.  
> That you have but tarried here,  
> While each chapter did appear,  
> And these words upon this theme,  
> Are of no import, only my dream.
> 
> It has been an honor to share my dream with you.
> 
> K2N2


End file.
